Crystal Rain
by Aspen Snow
Summary: A beautiful miko and powerful demon, sworn ememies fated to fall in love and bridge the gap between two worlds. The tragic couple had to find a way to fall in love and live. This was their destiny. And it had yet to be fulfilled.
1. Crystal Rain

**Author's Note: **Ok…I hope this isn't too confusing…but just to clarify…dialogues written in italics are flashbacks, the single sentences in italics are NOT flashbacks, just pertinent quotes that contribute to the mood and flow of the story.  I hope you like it and please review!!!

**Crystal Rain**

By Aspen Snow

**______________________________________________________**

_Love never dies a natural death.  It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals._

________________________________________________________________________

She had always loved the rain; she had always loved the beautiful mystery of it.  For the brief time it fell it cleansed the world, cleansed her.

It was heartbreaking in its temporary nature.  It never failed to give her hope, hope that maybe tomorrow would be better than today.

But it never was, tomorrow was invariably worse, tomorrow was always more painful than the day before.  She was struggling, fighting to find the strength to hold her head high in defiance to the cruel reality in which she lived.

But she was losing.  Her resolve was weakening, her determination waning, her steps faltering.  She was breaking, falling apart.

And it was all his fault.

She fell despondently to the soaked earth below her.  Her fragile hands grasped the rough edge of the well, the bone white color of her fingers testament to the strength with which she gripped the wood.  She peered over its edge, her raven locks cascading across her face, creating a shimmering curtain of black.  She made no move to brush the heavy obstacle aside, she had no wish to push away that which veiled her eyes.

She didn't want to see, she didn't have the strength.  She knew what lay beyond that magical well; she knew what was waiting for her on the other side.

Hope.  A hope which no longer belonged to her.

She lowered her head until it rested on the lip of the well, the cold bite of the grating wood against the skin of her forehead barely making a dent in the pervading numbness she now felt.

She was cold, so cold.  She was so alone.

He had destroyed her.

The soft rhythm of the rain echoed around her, echoed in tune to her heart.  It soothed her ravaged soul, calmed her raging heart.  In a blinding moment of desperation she threw herself away from the well of her past.  Standing on shaky feet she beseeched the sky to allow the rain to fall forever, to allow it to follow her on her journey and comfort her.

And then she collapsed in a boneless heap on the water soaked earth, collapsed in defeat.  Her wish would never be granted.

Never, because the rain was a temporary magnificence; a fleeting miracle in the endless spectrum of eternity.  

In retrospect she knew it had all been her fault.  She had been blind, foolish, and naively stupid.  She couldn't change the past, but she could change the future.

The cool metallic object in her hand reminded her of her purpose, reminded her why she sat here in the place that was her doorway to two worlds.

As the jagged metal bit into her flesh she remembered.  Remembered the day her whimsical heart stopped beating, remembered the day her heart had become a frozen relic of the past.

He had been there.  He was always there.  With her.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­________________________________________________________________________

_ "Do you love her?"  Asked the stoic figure dressed in red and white.  The hanyou did not respond to the calm question of his companion.  But he didn't have to, his silence said what he could not._

_The figure nodded, understanding the meaning behind the silence.  "You made a promise." The female stated._

_"I did" came the gruff response of the half demon._

_"To me"_

_"To you"_

_"Who will you choose?"  The soulless miko quietly asked._

_'Yes, who will you choose Inu Yasha?'  Kagome asked herself as she watched from behind the cover of a nearby tree.  She moved slightly, wanting to get closer to the couple, straining to hear whatever it was he would say.  She stepped on a fallen branch and mentally smacked her forehead.  She had always been clumsy._

_His ears twitched.  She knew that gesture, knew what it meant.  He had heard her.  He raised his head slightly and, confirming her suspicion, he lightly sniffed the wind, searching for an elusive scent he would no doubt find._

_She knew he found it when he tensed, his hand going instantly to the sword at his side, and from her vantage point she could see the tiny twitch in his jaw.  He was angry.  No doubt he intended for this conversation to be had away from her._

_But it didn't matter now.  She was here, and he had a choice to make.  So she waited breathlessly in anticipation, she waited, praying that he would break the vicious circle of fate and choose her._

_But it wasn't meant to be._

_"You Kikyou" he said under his breath as if by whispering the name she would not hear it, would not hear his betrayal.  "It has always been you."_

_The older miko nodded, a smug smile on her face as she registered her victory._

_And then Kagome turned and ran, unable to watch any longer.  She ran knowing that they both turned to watch her pathetic departure, she ran knowing that he called her name._

_She ran._

________________________________________________________________________

She could have lived with him choosing her.  She could have survived knowing that he had willing chosen to die with a woman who hated him.  After all, she had been preparing herself for the possibility for a long time.  Inu Yasha had stubbornly clung to the past for too long to just let it go.

But she had dreamed that maybe one day he would, she had dreamed that maybe one day he would wake up from the fog of his past and realize that he loved her.  But she had only dreamed of it, she had never expected it.

In the end what destroyed her was not Inu Yasha choosing Kikyou, what destroyed her, what ultimately broke her was the knowledge that Inu Yasha _had_ loved her.  Loved her, not Kikyou, but her, Kagome, and no one else.

He had presented her the beauty of her dreams and in the next breath brutally threw it away.

Yes he loved her, but what was love that had no chance to live?  It would have been better left as a dream, better left as a fantasy she conjured in her head.

She could have lived with the dream, could have drawn comfort from it.  But she could not live with reality.  She could not live in the reality which told her that the one who loved her would never be hers because he had thrown it away.

And that was what he had done.  He had betrayed her by throwing away the single most precious thing in her life.  He had, with one sentence, carelessly thrown away their love.

And there was no forgiving that, no living with that simple truth.

Her eyes fell down to the blood that pooled in her palms.  She closed her hands in fists and savored the warmth of her life.  

There was no living with reality.

________________________________________________________________________

_Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant_

__________________________________________________________________________

Sesshoumaru wasn't sure what compelled him to seek out her this day; he wasn't sure what force pushed him down the path that led to her.  No doubt the same one that had led him to her that day not so long ago.

Fate.  He had never believed in it before, in fact he had steadfastly refused to believe that his destiny was not his to control.  He was always in control.

Always.

Until her.

________________________________________________________________________

_An unfamiliar sound floated on the wind.  The sound of sorrow, the sound of pain.  It drew him in, urged his feet to subconsciously seek out the creature which felt such grief._

_Had he known what he would eventually find he would have turned back, would have ignored the poignancy that stirred his soul.  But he hadn't known and the mystery of it made the creature that more alluring, whoever it was._

_He had nearly growled in disgust when he reached his destination.  His half brother's wench.  A pathetic human._

_But then she had turned her cerulean blue eyes onto him, startling eyes that brimmed with unshed tears, eyes that held more pain than one her age should ever know.  She turned to face him almost as if she had known he would come, almost as if she had expected his sudden appearance._

_But of course that was impossible, wasn't it?_

_She walked towards him slowly, confidently, determinedly.  Whatever plagued her at this moment, whatever foreign emotion that surged through her blood lent her the strength to do what countless others could not, stand before him without fear._

_"I used to think you guys were alike you know" she began suddenly "you and…him" Her confession should have been out of place, it should have made no sense.  Yet despite what seemed to be an ambiguous comment Sesshoumaru somehow knew who it was she spoke of; he somehow knew the name of the one she could not bring herself to utter._

_And it enraged him.  To compare him to his inferior half brother, he wanted to lash out at her, destroy her for imparting such an insult.  But something held him back, some unseen force prevented him from following his more basic instincts that were at this moment screaming for blood, her blood._

_"But you, you have too much to pride, too much dignity, too much honor to betray someone.  You are the better brother Sesshoumaru-sama."_

_"Clearly" he replied.  He should have walked away then, he should have left her alone that night, but his curiosity got the better of him, his curiosity which demanded he understand this strange human girl who followed his hanyou brother, this strange miko who had the courage to stand before him so calmly._

_"And what has made you come to such an obvious conclusion?" he asked, finding himself truly curious as to what could have caused such a drastic change in loyalties._

_She smiled enigmatically at his question, the gesture a stark contrast to the grief which shadowed her face._

_"I think you are right."  _

_He was confused, what on earth was she talking about now?  He found her tendency to spurt out whatever random thought which floated through her mind frustrating._

_"I am always right, but that is not the question I asked wench" he stated impatiently._

_"Humans are weak, Sesshoumaru-sama, we are useless creatures.  I used to hate you for believing such a thing but now I know that you right.  We blindly follow our emotions, we foolishly allow our feelings to dictate our actions and our judgment, and in the end they always destroy us.  It's pathetic don't you think?  To give someone the ability to hurt you so deeply, to give them that much power?"_

_He nodded in silent agreement to her discovery, a fact he had long ago concluded. So he had finally chosen Sesshoumaru realized as he finally placed the cause of the grief she visibly carried.  Inu Yasha had finally gone to hell with the dead priestess of his past, and left this one, this one who had loyally stayed by his side for years, alone and heartbroken.  His half brother had always been stupid._

_"We are the same you know" Her sudden comment snapped him out of his musings.  To compare him to his lowly brother was one thing, but now she was comparing him to a human female?_

_One lethally clawed hand lashed out and grasped the fragile column of her throat and tightened menacingly._

_"You go too far wench" _

_She smiled.  The reaction surprised him, blindsided him.  She was smiling in the face of death.  Smiling instead of screaming._

_"You will not kill me Sesshoumaru-sama" his eyes narrowed dangerously at the newest insult this tiny slip of a girl issued.  Did she want to die?_

_"You dare to tell this Sesshoumaru what he will or will not do?" he growled in anger, baring his fangs, already anticipating the kill._

_"I do" she said calmly, "I do because we are the same, we both know what it is like to be alone."_

_And then he dropped her, dropped her as if she had burned him.  Dropped her and walked away._

_Walked away because she was right, walked away because he could not face the fact that this one human female had been able to see the truth inside of him so clearly._

_He walked away and vowed he would never turn back._

________________________________________________________________________

But he had gone back.

She had been an irresistible challenge, a compelling enigma, a fascinating puzzle that called for a solution.

It was rare that he stumbled upon something he did not understand, and he did not understand her.  He could not even begin to comprehend the wisdom she seemed to hold within her young eyes, and he could not grasp the strength with which she lived, the courage with which she felt.

So he had followed her, stalked her in the night like a predator toying with its prey.  Hunted her with a hesitancy he did not recognize.  For the first time in his life he was unsure, he had no definite plans, no clear idea what he wanted to do with this creature which plagued him.

Kill your enemies.  Destroy that which threatens you.  Isn't that what he had been taught since birth?  Isn't that what had kept him in power for so long?

Was she his enemy?  He did not know.  The lines were blurred, in his world of black and white; she became the only shade of gray.  She was a threat, yes.  But she wasn't a threat to his physical power; she was only a threat to his sanity.

And his sanity was infinitely more valuable than anything he possessed. 

Kill her.  Yes kill her.  That seemed to be the only answer, that seemed to be the only way to gain control of his life once more, that seemed to be the only way to banish these foreign feelings taking root in a heart which had long ago ceased feeling.

But he couldn't.  He couldn't kill her.  He couldn't because she was right.

They were the same.

__________________________________________________________________________

_"You hate him, why?" He wondered when she would ask him that question and he was surprised that it had taken her this long._

_"Does it matter?" He would have answered, he would have told her why.  But it was complicated.  There was no one reason why, no concrete reason.  Perhaps it was the sword, the omnipotent fang envied for its power.  But he knew he didn't need it, he was powerful enough on his own._

_No, it wasn't his sword, it wasn't because a hanyou was his brother, it was none of these things.  These were just convenient explanations, useful excuses he utilized when necessary._

_He hated his brother because of what he had.  Envied him the life he led.  Half human, and half demon he was able to live with passion._

_In Sesshoumaru's world, passion got you killed._

_So yes he hated his brother, hated him for the jealousy he evoked.  He was the almighty Sesshoumaru, the powerful Lord of the Western Lands, he shouldn't want to be a lowly hanyou, he wasn't supposed to be someone else._

_His turned his attention back to the slim figure of the woman who had asked him the question.  In her indecently short green kimono she appeared ridiculously out of place in this world.  She had her head cocked to the side as if she were deciding whether or not his reasons for hating his half brother really did matter._

_She nodded briefly, apparently having come to a conclusion. _

_"No, I supposed it doesn't matter" he was shocked, stunned that she had simply let it go, that she had been satisfied with his ambiguous response.  Completely shocked, until she opened her mouth once more._

_"It never gets easy does it Sesshoumaru, it never gets easier, this living alone."  How she _

_had known what thoughts were going through his mind in those moments of silence he would never know, but she knew and he had come to accept the fact that beneath her childlike guise was a woman who saw so much._

_Too much.___

_She deserved the truth and that, at least, he could give her._

_"No, it doesn't"_

________________________________________________________________________

She felt no pain.  No heart wrenching agony.  It was funny that she had spent her whole life fearing this one moment and now that it was upon her she simply felt…nothing.

Is this what it was really like?  Did humans live their lives in a constant state of fear only to reach the end and find their suffering was all for naught?  Were humans doomed to waste their lives terrified of the end?

What a waste.  Her life had been one gigantic waste.

Hadn't it?

________________________________________________________________________

_"It's beautiful.  The moon is so beautiful don't you think?" Kagome smiled as her question went unanswered.  He was not one to comment on such frivolous things as the beauty of the moon.  But she asked all the same, because she thought it was beautiful, and there was no one else to share it with. _

_The days were so lonely now, but the nights, the nights were her solace.  Her secret comfort because of him.  He would come to her always at night, hidden in its dark shadows, almost as if he wanted to hide from her.  But he couldn't hide from her, not now.  Grief had given her the gift of sight, and she saw him._

_So every night he came and every night he left.  Silently, he was barely a whisper in her life, like the wind that blew invisibly over the land.  But she felt him there, and that was enough._

_He never spoke of promises he would never keep, never carelessly unleashed words that would hurt, words that would destroy.  He did nothing carelessly, he did nothing impulsively, but most importantly, he was not a man to do something he did not want to do.  _

_She found comfort in that, found comfort in his confidence.  Found comfort in his presence because he had chosen to be here with her every night._

_She never really knew why he came; she never really knew what it was he thought about in the still quietness. _

_But he was there, always, and it made her smile, made her smile when she had been so sure she would never be happy again._

_"I wish I could just be free" she whispered silently into the night.  It was only beneath its cover of darkness that she could admit her true desires, that she could confess her true feelings._

_"Free from what?" the soft masculine voice reached her ears, made her shudder as she felt warm breath on her neck.  When had he gotten so close?  She turned around in surprise at the unexpected question._

_Turned around and found herself face to face with the amber eyes of a dangerous demon, golden eyes that were clearly widened in curiosity.  It was unnerving; to see such an open expression on his beautifully sculpted face._

_Her heart fluttered as her eyes trailed down the graceful line of his neck to the muscular expanse of his chest.  She longed to reach out and lay her hand across his chest where she knew his heart lay.  Would it be beating slowly, calmly like the man appeared to be?  Or would it be beating furiously and rapidly, masking an inner turmoil he hid so well?_

_Almost as if she was in a trance she watched herself as her hand slowly extended out to find the answer to her question, her hand blindly reached for him and she couldn't stop it._

_But he could.  He grasped her hand just as her fingertips brushed the coolness of silk.  Had he known what it was she sought?  The sudden feeling of his heated skin on hers brought her crashing back to reality in a jolt of awareness._

_She raised her startled blue eyes up to his once more finally remembering the question he had asked._

_"Everything Sesshoumaru-sama, I wish I could be free from everything."_

________________________________________________________________________

What would it be like, he wondered, to truly be free?  To be free from the responsibility which burdened, free from the power which choked him?  

He had always silently envied a human's ability to do as they please, to live their lives as they choose, to live their lives with reckless abandon.

But she had made him realize that they weren't free, she wasn't free.  She was a slave, a slave to her emotions, a slave to the love she so blindly gave away, a slave to the one she entrusted with her heart, and a slave to the pain he invariably inflicted.

They were bound to this earth by their loneliness, by their grief, by their sorrow.  Would they ever escape?

He too wanted to be free; so he too looked into the fathomless depths of that black sky and wished to be free from everything.

________________________________________________________________________

_Every time I think of you I always catch my breath_

__________________________________________________________________________

She saw him.  She saw him coming towards her with powerful steps.  A magnificent figure of blues and reds, molten eyes she had thought she would never see again.

He stopped in front of her, still on her knees all she could see was white, the pristine white silk of his clothing as it gave her a brief reprieve from the ugly brown mud her eyes had fixated on..

Was he a dream?

She reached out and grasped that white silk in her hands and watched as it quickly stained red, the fabric greedily soaking up her blood.

He was no dream.  Suddenly she felt guilty.  Felt guilty for ruining his obviously expensive clothes, felt guilty for luring him out into the furious rain, felt guilty for marring the beauty that was his perfection.

________________________________________________________________________

_"Why?" he asked._

_"Why what Sesshoumaru?"  Kagome replied.  She was used to his cryptic questions.  Things had started to change, he no longer stood in silence by her side, he no longer wordlessly sought her out.  _

_Questions, he had so many questions._

_"Why did you give him so much of yourself, why did you willingly leave yourself so vulnerable?"_

_He was always so good at asking the questions that mattered, he had an amazing ability to unearth the questions she couldn't face._

_"I used to think the pain was worth the dream.  I used to think that in the end it would have been better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.  So I risked myself, gladly."  She let out a half hearted laugh, how stupid she had been._

_"And now?"___

_Kagome bent to pick a stray flower from the ground at her feet.  She plucked each petal and let them go, watched them float across the night on the wind.  She used to make wishes with these flowers, she used to spend hours plucking petals and making wishes praying that one day all her dreams  would come true._

_"Now I know" she started, letting the now bare stem fall to the ground, "now I know nothing is worth the pain."_

________________________________________________________________________

"Why?" He wanted to know, _had_ to know why she would choose this path, why she felt there was no other way.

She sighed.  Such a fragile sound, where had her strength gone?

"I'm tired…just tired" she said dejectedly.  When had she stopped fighting?

"So you would give up?" He said, a trace of anger lining his usual cold voice.  In all the time he had known her she had never been weak, she had never given up completely, until now. 

And it angered him, enraged him to see her so broken and know that he could nothing to fix her, nothing to save her.

For the first time in his life he was useless, completely and utterly useless.  It was ironic really, ironic that first time he wanted to use his power to save rather than destroy he couldn't.

And it was tragic that he had wanted so few things in his life, yet he wanted her.

Wanted her desperately, but he couldn't have her.

She had been his hope.  His only hope.

She didn't answer his question; she just looked up at him with shadowed eyes and a sad smile. 

She had given up.

She began to sway, her life was leaving her and the exhaustion was taking over.  Her hands shot out as if to stop the fall that was inevitable, the fall which she had created.

She needn't have bothered, because he was there.

And he caught her.

________________________________________________________________________

_She tripped.  Fell over some branch that her inferior human senses could not see.  So he caught her, caught her before she fell, moved to stop her fall without knowing why._

_"You're clumsy" he said to the startled blue eyes._

_"I know" she responded with a tiny smile.  And then he realized that he was holding her, that the soft curves of her body were pressed intimately against him._

_He realized that she was beautiful.  She was saying something, her lips were moving, but he couldn't hear the words.  A heady scent of lavender and roses was clouding his brain, making him dizzy, creating a delicious sensation that he did not want to stop._

_Desire.__  He wanted her.  He hadn't wanted anything in a long time._

_"You've changed you know" her lyrical voice finally broke through the fog of his mind.  He looked down at her, still holding her not caring that she no longer needed his support, he held her anyways.  _

_'What?' Though he didn't voice the question she heard it nonetheless.  She smiled, a secret smile, a mischievous smile.  She only shook her head and burrowed deeper in his arms._

_"You've changed" came the murmur from somewhere inside the folds of his clothes.  He pulled her closer, embraced her, a human, because he wanted to, because he needed to._

_Yes, he had changed._

________________________________________________________________________

It felt so good to be held by him, felt so good to be enclosed in such power.

He shouldn't have been here, he should have stayed away.  She didn't want him here to see this, didn't want him to see her so weak, so pathetic.

She was ashamed, ashamed of the frailty she exuded, ashamed that she had given up so easily, ashamed that she had lost the strength to fight.

She was ashamed to face him because he still fought, he was fighting the battle she had given up, and now, now he would fight it alone.

She turned slightly, she wanted to see his face one last time, she wanted to remember forever the only one who ever truly understood her.

And what a surprise that had been, to find a kindred spirit in the form of one of her enemies.

It had been unexpected, unbelievable, and completely wonderful.

Her eyes blindly searched through the tangled mass of her hair and stopped when she spotted the silvery strands of his.

His face filled her vision, that hauntingly perfect face of his and she gasped.

Gasped in pure disbelief at what she found there.

________________________________________________________________________

_"Damnit Sesshoumaru can't you feel!" Kagome screamed as she furiously pounded her tiny fists on his chest, hoping to make an impact, hoping to make him feel something, anything._

_The tears flowed freely down her cheeks, hot tears of anger and desperation.  "Am I alone?  Am I the only one who feels this pain?"  She yelled into the silence of the night as her flailing fists continued to assault the stoic demon lord._

_With one hand he captured her wrists, imprisoned them in his iron fists and halted her frenzied actions._

_"Stop this madness miko" he demanded. _

_"Don't you feel anything?" she questioned on a sob._

_Glancing down at the fragile hands he held, he placed one over his heart and let her feel its rapid beat, let her feel the turbulent rhythm of it, let her know he was not as impervious as he seemed._

_Her hand instinctively curled into the fabric as if she wanted to capture that wild beat forever._

_He raised his free hand and placed his clawed fingers beneath the delicate flesh of her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze, forcing her to see._

_"I feel Kagome" he nearly smiled at the shock that left such a bewildered expression on her face at the use of her name._

_"I feel everything"_

__________________________________________________________________________

On his knees he held the tragic miko in his arms.  She was shivering, her rosy lips were turning blue, and her face was pale and hollow. 

She was dying in his arms.  And suddenly he was tired as well.  Tired of holding back, tired of being in control, tired of hiding.

So he let those crystalline drops slip from his eyes, he let her see the weakness he held inside, he let her see that he felt it too, let her see that she was not alone.

So he let the tears fall because this magnificent creature had been ravaged by the pain of reality, this lovely girl had been unable to find a way to survive in this brutal world

She was meant to live for so much more.

________________________________________________________________________

_All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain_

__________________________________________________________________________

He had always been beautiful, but the raw emotion she found in those brilliant eyes made him breathtaking.

For once she hated the rain, hated the rain which masked the tears he shed.  With a trembling hand she traced the invisible path of the tears he cried.  She hadn't known this was what she wanted, hadn't known this what she had been searching for.  She hadn't known until this beautifully perfect man unveiled his only weakness.

His only weakness was her.

Her hand wavered as she caught sight of the crimson rivulets that flowed freely down her arm.

It was too late.

Two mistakes, two fatal miscalculations.  That was what her life boiled down to. The first had been believing too much, trusting too much the one she had fallen for.

But the second, the second was worse, because the second time she hadn't believed enough, hadn't trusted enough, hadn't opened her eyes in time to see what had been in front of her the whole time.

Sesshoumaru.

Cold, she was so cold.  But this time she wasn't alone.  She had nothing to give him, nothing left but a promise, a promise of next time.

So with her last breath she whispered her pledge and watched those haunting amber eyes flame to a brilliant gold and she knew.

She knew as the blackness consumed her that he understood and she knew that he would wait.

Next time.

________________________________________________________________________

_"If I could go back in time I wouldn't pull that arrow out of his chest, I would leave him pinned to that tree.  If I could back to that one moment in time I would choose differently, I would fall in love with someone else."_

_"Who?"___

_"I don't know."_

__________________________________________________________________________

She had made a promise to him that day.  As he held her in rain that ran red, she had whispered a promise with her last breath.  A promise which haunted him, a promise which had fought its way into his heart, and floated through his mind.

A promise he would never forget.

_"Next time Sesshoumaru"_ Her voice had been calm, quiet, and firm_, "next time I will fall in love with you"_ And then she had died, left him the same instant he had finally realized he was not alone.

Her promise had been so beautifully tragic.  But it was fitting, fitting for a girl whose beauty seemed to shine and grow with her sadness.

Her death had been anticlimactic really, expected.  Hadn't he known she was too good for this world?  Hadn't he known the purity of her heart could not withstand the sins of this world?  Hadn't he known that her tainted innocence would kill her?

_Next time.___

She had finally found her freedom, she had finally escaped from the prison they had both been condemned to live.  She had escaped, and left him behind.

She had left him with nothing but a promise of next time, a time which had no shape, no form, no place.

Would she be waiting for him, would she be waiting with her arms open wide, her eyes sparkling, her lips curled in a smile?

Would she be waiting for him next time?

________________________________________________________________________

_Do you seriously think that blood is the only thing is this world that is colored red?_

__________________________________________________________________________

The red rose looked strangely out of place in the hands of such a lethal demon as he walked with determined steps towards the place of her death.

Much had changed since the day her blood had soaked its earth.  The once vibrant greens and lush colors of the clearing had faded to a dull gray, as if they too mourned the loss of the one who had so magically appeared.

The well was splintered, rotted, and broken.  A useless heap of wood.  When she died she had taken all the magic with her.

Everything about that day had been hazy, the silvery veil of the rain had dimmed her features, blurred the landscape.  Only one image remained in his mind, there was only one vivid detail he could recall with perfect clarity.

Crimson, her blood had been a deep crimson that shined defiantly through the fog of that day.

So he laid that lone rose on the ashen earth, the rose whose petals were of that same scarlet hue.  The rose's brilliance overshadowed the dull gray of its surroundings.

But it was only temporary, temporary like the rain she had loved so much, temporary like she had been.  A fleeting miracle, a momentary beauty that raged so brightly yet died so quickly.

_Next time.___

He would be here next time as well, laying another rose on the spot which he held her last.  He would be here next time remembering the girl who had dared to defy him, he would be here next time to remember the woman who dared to see what others could not, and he would be here next time to remember the one he could not forget.

Drops of water started to fall as he walked away, causing him to smile.  He closed his eyes and remembered the words she had spoken so softly to him in the rain.  

"I will be here…next time" he whispered to the wind.

And he would.

________________________________________________________________________

_In a lifetime made of memories, I believe in destiny, every moment returns again in time_

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	2. Crimson Roses

**Author's Note:** This is part two in my one shot trilogy. I want to thank you all for the absolutely wonderful reviews…really…I wasn't planning on continuing **Crystal Rain…**I was quite content to leave it the way it was…bittersweet and sad…but you guys convinced me that it needed to be continued…and you guys were right…it needs to end…differently…anyways…hope you enjoy this next installment!!

**FYI:** This is still a one shot...**Crystal Rain** and **Crimson Roses** are two one shots...mostly because I have **Crystal Rain** under the one shot category everywhere else and because it can stand on its own…as can this one…sort of…anyways…I am putting it here to make it easier for you guys…it makes more sense to keep them together right?? I think I'm rambling now…on with the story!!!

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Crimson Roses**

Once upon a time there was a beautiful and powerful miko. Her destiny had been predetermined, she had always known the path she would travel, she had always known she would become a miko. So she worked hard and diligently, she was determined to be the best. She was taught to believe that she was lucky, a rare chosen one who was gifted with the chance to help others, to become a benevolent being who would be remembered forever for her generosity and goodness. This was what she was taught and this was what she believed. She accepted this gift wholeheartedly and happily embraced her fate.

But there were times when her fate wasn't a gift, but rather a curse, one she couldn't escape and one she couldn't fight.

It was times like this, when the sky was such a cheery shade of blue and the sun sparkled, basking the land below in pool of warm golden light. Times like this when the other village children were running around aimlessly with no purpose and laughing in glee. She would watch from afar these immature children who were too enraptured in their own fantasy world to see the reality around them. She knew what was real, she saw what they didn't, pain, sorrow, greed, hate. She had already discovered the ugly truths of society; she had already discovered that which would destroy the ideal world these carefree children had built in their heads.

She would watch these children, always as an outsider, always as the silent and solemn girl easily ignored and she would watch them in envy. They were so blissfully ignorant and for those moments she watched them play she would wonder what it was like to be innocent and free.

Because she never had been.

So she would always turn away, she could only stand to watch the children for brief moments because the longer she stayed the more she realized the cruelness of her fate.

Alone, that was the way she was meant to be, alone, always.

So she grew up, lovely, kind, powerful, detached. When it came time for her to leave her village she simply packed the few items necessary for her travels and walked away, without turning back. She didn't agonize over long goodbyes, she didn't cry, she didn't shed one tear for the life she was leaving behind.

Sadness was a luxury she couldn't afford.

Thus the young woman began her life as a miko, traveling from village to village stopping only to help those in need and then moving on once again. With every town she wanted to stay, every village was a picturesque temptation she often found hard to resist. She would see children playing as she had in her youth, a young man and woman holding hands, an elderly couple looking on in contentment on their families. It was this she craved, this wholeness.

But she couldn't have it, so she created a set of rules she faithfully followed to prevent her from becoming attached to any one person or town.

_Rule # 1: Never stay in one place for too long. Perform your duty and leave._

The longer she stayed the more persistent the temptation became, eventually she would have to leave, and prolonging the inevitable only lead to further heartache, a pain she could do without.

_Rule # 2: Observe, never participate._

It was one thing to stand amidst the edges of the town and observe the carefree villagers from afar and quite another to join in on the everyday routine of the people. To become familiar with the people and the inner workings of the town would only give her a false sense of happiness and belonging that would sooner or later be crushed. No, she would rather be alone than to have even the barest resemblance of her dream snatched away.

_Rule # 3: Never give your name, always simply be Miko._

A name was personal, it gave her an identity, a recognizable face, a personality. It made her human to the people she treated, it made her like them. But she was not like them, and she would never be.

_Rule # 4: Never fall in love._

This was the most important rule of all because if she fell in love then she would have a reason to stay, a reason to give in to the temptation, a reason to abandon the course of her fate, a reason to abandon it all.

So she lived her life silently traveling from village and silently wishing for something more. But soon all this would change, soon she would begin to believe that her dreams could come true, soon she would learn that hope was truly a beautiful thing.

She would learn all this because one day she broke her most important rule and fell in love.

Fell in love with one who was her sworn enemy.

She had not been a fool; she had always known that she had been merely a means to an end, his end. She guarded that which he most desperately sought. Cursed to be a hanyou, a demon tainted with the blood of a human he longed for only one thing, the power of a full youkai, and only she could give that to him.

It hadn't been love at first sight, there was no such thing. When she looked into his eyes for the first time there was no spark, no electricity, no instant recognition. She had reacted to his presence with the same cold indifference she did everything else, added with a bit of caution, due to his demonic nature.

She had vigilantly watched him everyday, not because she longed for his touch or dreamed of him at night, but because she was preparing herself for an attack. Eventually he would go after the jewel, eventually he would make his move, and she would be ready.

There was nothing romantic about their relationship, no lyrical poems, and no angst ridden stares. They were enemies; it was that simple, and that complex.

Because one day he had rescued a child, a small helpless child who had fallen into the river and nearly drowned. The hanyou had merely reached in and pulled the little boy out of the water as if it were nothing unusual, as if he pulled human children out of rivers everyday. He had set the boy on the ground and walked off, probably in search of the miko that guarded his treasure, the miko that was watching him.

That was when everything changed, that was when her impeccable control and unflappable reason began to crumble. It wasn't a drastic change, it was slight, barely noticeable, but it was a crack, a crack that grew with each passing day.

She stopped seeing him a hanyou, she stopped seeing him as her enemy and she began seeing him as a tortured soul, much like she was.

Alone, never belonging and always alone. The day she began comparing herself to the hanyou was the day she crossed a line and broke the rule she would never be able to un-break.

She had always thought her innocence had died long ago, but she had been wrong. Because as the days and weeks progressed she naively began to believe in her long forgotten dreams, she naively began to believe in him.

She was hesitant at first; she didn't declare her love for him in a wild fit of passion or a raging of tragic tears. Life wasn't a fairytale, it was real and things didn't work that way.

She harbored her feelings, relentlessly guarded them and refused to let them out, vehemently refused to allow them the room to grow. But she could only fight for so long and eventually her strength ran out.

He saved her. Much as he had the little boy, he had saved her carelessly and without thought. It was such a trivial thing he did, but it was one whose consequences were far reaching.

She had stepped off the boat, stumbled, and nearly fell into the ice water below. She had closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable impact of the water, but it would never come. Two strong arms had stopped her descent; they caught her and pulled her away from the danger of the water. When she finally opened her eyes and met the familiar red cloth of the one she had studied for so long she fervently wished that she had fallen instead.

Because this was so much more dangerous.

His body was too close, too warm, too real. She could feel his heartbeat beneath the palm of her hand; she could feel its rapid and unsteady beat, a rhythm which matched her own. She raised her head until her eyes clashed with the golden gaze of the one who held her, eyes that burned with the light of confusion and longing.

That was the beginning of the end. That was the moment her hard won control finally lost the war and threw up the white flag of surrender. In that one moment her whole life changed because he continued to hold her.

And she continued to let him.

And thus they formed a tenuous bond, a timid love that required patience and nurturing and one that would disappear at the first sign of complication.

He had convinced her that he now wanted the jewel to become a full human for her, and she had convinced herself that he really did love her; she had believed that her once wishful dreams were finally within reach.

But she had been wrong, no, she had been betrayed. Betrayed by her fantasies, betrayed by love, betrayed by him.

And that was how it ended. There was no happily ever after, no majestic ride into the sunset. There was just the agony and the pain and the blood.

Reality was cruel, reality was unrelenting, reality was impossible to escape, for both of them.

A beautiful miko and powerful demon, sworn enemies fated to fall in love and bridge the gap between two worlds. But it seemed not even fate could compete with the fatal flaws of humans and demons alike because one died and the other was left to remember.

But the force of fate is hard to ignore. The tragic couple had to find a way to fall in love and _live_. This was their destiny.

And it had yet to be fulfilled.

* * *

_  
It was pouring, raining furiously, masking her surroundings in a silvery veil. It was very familiar, this place she was in. Her heart seemed to recognize it, but her mind, her mind was unable to hold onto the elusive fragment of a memory that was struggling to shine through. But it couldn't. So she could only watch on and wonder. _

_Wonder what she was seeing and what it meant._

_A girl, so fragile and small and someone else. A magnificent creature who radiated power held her. A tragic couple, it was a heartbreaking scene and she couldn't help but feel sad for these two. She didn't understand what was going on; she couldn't hear the words which they spoke. But she could see._

_See her lips moving so softly, and she could see the way he trembled._

_One pale hand reached out and touched a face shrouded in shadows, a face she couldn't see._

_And then the tragic scene disappeared, erased from her vision in a blinding flash._

_And then all she could was red, a flaming, violent hue that burned._

_And all she could hear was a whisper._

_Next time._

Kagome sat up, panting, she chased away the last remnants of the dream as her eyes adjusted to the blackness of her room. Always the same dream, every night she dreamed the same heartbreaking scene.

She was shaking, after effects of such an emotional dream. Eventually it would dim, eventually the vision would fade away and she would be left with only the whisper, left only with those faint words.

_Next time_.

There was something familiar about that, something heartbreaking and unbearably painful. The words always made her want to cry and she didn't know why.

Instinctively she knew it had something to do with her past, a past which was shrouded in mystery. She couldn't remember anything beyond two years ago, when she had woken up to find herself in her room, surrounded by the very worried faces of her family.

She had tried to get answers; she had tried to ask what had happened, and why she couldn't remember. But she was always told the same thing. She had been sick, very sick, and had nearly died. The illness must have affected her memory.

She knew they were lying, she knew her family was hiding something. But she let it go, she moved on with her life because she sensed whatever lay in her past was very painful and perhaps something she didn't want to remember.

* * *

He should have realized what was happening, he should have known something had changed, something drastic.

How he had missed the cataclysmic shift he would never know. But what he did know was that the world had trembled and stopped.

Now it had resumed its routine movement, spinning once more as if its motion had never been interrupted. But it had and in that brief lapse something had changed.

And then he knew.

She was back.

* * *

Today was supposed to be exciting, today she was supposed to be carefree, happy. Kagome smiled bitterly at that thought. She was beginning to wonder if she had ever really been happy.

Maybe, once upon a time in a land far, far away.

Kagome numbly walked away from the noisy throng of people celebrating. Today she had graduated from high school. But she didn't feel like celebrating, she couldn't.

The end of one life and the beginning of another. That was what she was supposed to be looking forward to, she was supposed to be eagerly anticipating her transition from childhood to adulthood. But she couldn't, she couldn't move forward.

Because something was missing.

And it was killing her, slowly, every day.

She couldn't do this anymore, this walking alone in the dark, fumbling to find her way out, searching desperately for an elusive light that always seemed to be out of reach.

She walked hurriedly, not knowing where she was going, not caring, as her thoughts plagued her.

_Next time_.

The words continued to haunt her, they floated through her mind constantly, echoed in her heart as if they were trying to make her remember…something.

Kagome suddenly stopped when she realized she had unconsciously walked back to her home, to the shrine.

Her eyes immediately fell on the old well house. Closed and sealed shut, no one had set foot in the building for as long as she could remember, which wasn't actually that long.

The well house was sorely neglected, a giant spot of gray in their otherwise colorful shrine. It was strange, that the building would have been allowed to deteriorate so badly, strange that her mother had done nothing to fix it, and even stranger that she never mentioned its need of care.

Then Kagome recalled the whispers, the hushed conversations held in secret. They had been talking about her, the worry evident in their voices, and the fear, she vividly recalled the fear. They had been afraid of something.

With purposeful steps, Kagome walked to the well house because somewhere deep inside of her, the part of her soul which _did_ remember her past knew that this well housed the answers she was seeking.

This was what her family feared. A dilapidated old well and the truth it masked. She grasped the wooden planks which covered the door and pulled, the rotting wood falling away easily. Throwing aside the useless wood, she forcefully threw open the doors and stepped into the darkness.

It was time to face her past, time to unearth the mystery her family had so valiantly tried to keep from her. She was terrified as she stepped into the dark confines of the old well house, terrified of what she would find.

But she had to do this. For the past two years she had been merely going through the motions, waking up each morning with a whisper in her head, and going to sleep each night praying for a peace she knew she would never find. She was stuck, tiredly living her life, passively accepting the monotonous routine it had become simply because her family didn't want her to remember her past, and because she was too afraid to.

It was time to move on. She had lived in this place, this shrine, her home, for so long. She knew these faces, the faces of her family. They were all so different, yet they were all the same, they all looked at her with the same worried look, they were always smiling at her, as if they were afraid she would break at any moment. And they all held memories of a past she had forgotten, a past she needed. She knew her family was just trying to protect her, she knew they loved her, but it was time she faced the truth.

They would never allow her to change; they would never allow her to remember. And she needed to, _had _to. And it hurt, facing this painfully obvious reality, hurt more than she had imagined.

Hurt because she never believed that her home would become a place where she didn't belong.

And she didn't belong here; she belonged in a different place.

A different world.

* * *

_  
There was a road and a man. He stood there, silent, unmoving, and beautiful. He stood turned, ready to walk away, ready to continue down the long road. But he didn't move, just looked at her expectantly, as if he were waiting…waiting for her?_

_The vision shifted, the road no longer the same dirt path it was once was. Now it was red, a deep crimson which called to her, tempted her._

_Her hand reached out of its own accord, answering the silent call of that seething red mass._

_Blood, it was blood. Now she was afraid, terrified, yet her hand reached for it anyways. She closed her eyes, expecting the sickening feel of blood._

_But her eyes flew open in surprise instead when her fingers brushed against something cool and incredibly soft._

_Rose petals.__ The road was blanketed in the most brilliant red rose petals she had ever seen. Her eyes followed the endless path of scarlet petals until she reached the stoic figure which still stood at the end. Waiting._

_Except this time, this time he smiled._

* * *

Five hundred years was a long time to wait, a long time to remember.

It was hard, unbearably painful to carry the burden of her death for so long. But he did.

He could have forgotten, he could have let the memory of her slip away, fade with the centuries until she became but a distant fragment of a long buried past.

But instead he had forced himself to remember, every year. He hadn't forgotten, because she had made a promise

And he remembered because he had never met another quite like her.

No one had told him he was going to find her, no one told him that one night he would meet a girl who would change him forever. It was unexpected, what she had done to his heart.

It had been unexpected and unbelievable. Who would have guessed that the almighty Lord of the Western Lands would ever have fallen for a human girl?

Before she had walked into his life that night, before he had been seduced by her tears, he had been alone, cold, and always alone. The way he had wanted to live his life, the only way he thought he could.

Relationships were dangerous, personal attachments made you weak, made you vulnerable.

In all his life he had never found something he couldn't resist, he could walk away from anyone he ever knew.

Until her.

He couldn't resist her, and he could _never_ walk away from her.

He hadn't that day, and he couldn't, wouldn't now.

Not now.

_Next time…I'll fall in love with you._ Her whispered words came crashing back into his head with a painful clarity.

No. He couldn't walk away from her now. Because now she had a choice to make.

* * *

_  
She was wrong. There two roads, two roads, and two men. Both waiting._

_The other road was bathed in white, pure and untainted white, it was blinding, and beautiful. The figure stood, shifting back and forth, he was restless, impatient. Was he waiting for her too?_

_The two men were different, eerily the same, yet completely different. The blood red road led to the man dressed in white, and the brilliant white road led to the man dressed in red._

_What did it mean?_

_White, the color or purity, of innocence. Red, the color of passion, love, hate, and blood. Was she supposed to pick a road? Travel its length and walk into the arms of the one who waited at the end?_

_Who was she supposed to choose?  
_

* * *

She remembered this, how could she ever have forgotten? It was vivid, brilliant, and wildly beautiful. The air was crisp, pure, and unbelievably sweet.

500 years in the past nature was an untamed force that was magnificently breathtaking. She had loved it here; she remembered that, she remembered the lush colors, the picturesque scenes, the unbridled beauty of land that had yet to be marred by the hand of mankind.

She had missed this. Taking in a deep breath as if savoring the landscape around her, Kagome smiled, yes, she had missed it. She started walking, no destination in mind, she merely walked not knowing where she would end up or what she would find.

Suddenly she was no longer afraid. Indeed she had to physically restrain herself from skipping down the well worn path she had begun to follow. She felt relaxed, carefree, happy.

Every stray flower she happened to see possessed an extraordinary beauty, every tree awe inspiring in its magnitude. She was seeing life through the proverbial rose colored glasses. Had she really once been so innocently naïve? Had the world really been so beautiful and perfect once upon a time?

She continued walking, and continued smiling, she couldn't seem to suppress the joy she was feeling. Perhaps her past wasn't as painful as she once believed.

Her eyes caught something, she squinted as she focused on what had caught her attention. It was just a tree, a normal tree like all the others she had already seen. Except it was different. It was instinctive, this feeling of familiarity, this feeling of attachment.

Her eyes widened in curiosity as her gaze fixed on a swatch of red fabric she could see flapping in the wind. It looked so out of place against the harsh brown of the bark. Slowly she approached the tree, not sure what she would find, but slowly that piece of red grew larger and larger with every step she took.

Her heart was beating furiously, every nerve ending in her body was alive. It seemed her heart recognized what she approached, yet Kagome still had no idea, perhaps if she had possessed an inkling of what she was about to discover she would have turned, and run away. But she didn't, so she forged on, heedless of the tumultuous emotions that were surging through her body.

And then she was standing there, and it was not merely red fabric that she found, but a man. Her eyes quickly took in the familiar clothing, the shocking length of silver hair, the rugged features, and the arrow which pinned him to the tree.

She reached out, suddenly needing to touch this man, suddenly needing to affirm the fact that he was indeed there, pinned to a tree, as he once had been so long ago. Her fingers softly brushed across the skin of his cheek, tracing the curve of it as if committing its shape to memory.

Her eyes traveled up his face, and she stumbled backwards when she met the violent golden eyes of the man she was touching. She brought a hand to her furiously beating heart as if to still its frenzied pace.

She knew that angry look which heated his eyes, she knew that stubborn tilt of his chin, she knew that arrogant defiance.

She trembled. How could she have forgotten?

"Inu Yasha"

* * *

She looked the same. Exactly the same. Raven hair, wide blue eyes, full rosy lips, it was good to know some things never changed. It comforted him to know that there were some things that even the unforgiving passing of time could not change.

He wanted to rush into that old well house and grab her, hold her to him, revel in the feel of her beating heart. He wanted desperately to assure himself that she was there, standing, living, not dead.

But he couldn't. She was stuck between two worlds, stuck between the past and the present. She had to face her memories, face her past and choose.

She could have the past, she could have the present, but she could not have both. And it was her decision only, not his. So he had to be patient, he had to wait.

Had to, because he could not make her choose him, he could not make her love him. He could only hope.

He had waited five centuries, he could afford to wait a little longer. He'd had time to deal with the ghosts of his past, he'd had time to confront his demons, and he'd had time to fight them and win. She hadn't, her battle was just beginning.

Sesshoumaru let out an audible sigh as he watched her walk dazedly within the well house. Regret was a bitter feeling, it was the salt on an open wound that made it burn endlessly. He hadn't been able to tell her how he felt, he hadn't been able to tell her that he had fallen for her. Even when he held her in his arms as she died he hadn't been able to utter those simple words that could have saved her. And that made him weak.

But not now, because now he found strength in his weakness, found strength because he _knew_ he would not make the same mistake again.

For so long he had burdened himself with all the blame, for so long he had been trapped in the misery of his past mistakes. But he had finally made peace with his past and himself, because she hadn't trusted enough either. She had made the same mistake.

A softly spoken name suddenly floated to him on the wind, snapping him back into reality, reminding him why he was here. The name had been whispered in desperate disbelief, barely discernable. But he heard it nonetheless and he clenched his jaw in barely leashed fury, his hands balled into fists at his side as he stood firmly. This was not his battle.

He had been forced to remember, and she had died. Watching as she trembled with recognition and almost certain heartache, he smiled grimly at his helpless fate.

Only she held the power to keep history from repeating itself, as it was so apt to do. So he did the only thing he could, he walked up to the edge of the well house, not daring to go inside, knowing he wouldn't be allowed to cross over into the past.

"Say you love him" he whispered softly, hoping, praying that his words reached her "say you love him…and my life is over."

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Author's Note…Again:** ACK! Cliffhangers are horrible!! I'm so sorry…I'm evil…I know…but I SWEAR this is not the end…it really isn't…the third and FINAL part of this story is already in the works…so thank you for bearing with me and reading this…again all reviews are greatly greatly appreciated!!


	3. Silent Night

**Silent Night**

**_The night calls for me_**  
_**The darkness hides the memory**_

_**Into the blackness with the stars above  
I run from the light which remembers my love**_  
  
_**In the stillness the night always hears**_  
**_Only the moonlight will see my tears_**  
_**Aspen Snow**_

* * *

_  
In the dark it is easy to pretend, that the truth is what it ought to be_

* * *

"_Why did you get in the way Kagome, you could have been killed!"_

"_I was trying..."_

"_You were trying to what?!"_

"_I didn't want you to get hurt" the miko cried in frustration. Why couldn't he see? Why couldn't he understand?_

"_Feh. As if I could get hurt" Typical, so typical. Arrogant, the stupid hanyou thought he was invincible, but he wasn't. He was only a half demon after all. Once every month he turned human, just like her, and he was just as vulnerable, just as mortal as she was. He would not live forever. Why couldn't he see that? _

_Kagome looked up to the hanyou in question. His arms crossed, his golden eyes blazing with fury and tinged with the barest hint of fear...fear for her. And it was that look that was her undoing, always would be. It was those looks that made her believe that maybe one day he would be hers._

_She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't, she wouldn't. She looked up to the demon she loved so much with tears in her eyes and hope beating furiously in her heart._

"_I..." she stammered, rapidly losing the courage to give voice to the feelings that had been raging in her for a long time._

"_What" he demanded impatiently_

"_I love you" she whispered through the fog of fear that had taken over. Desperately fighting the urge to run, fists clenched in anticipation at her side, Kagome anxiously awaited his response._

_Her whole life she had been dreaming of this moment, the day when she offered her heart to another, her whole life she had eagerly anticipated that flood of joy and sweetness that came with knowing you had found your true love, with knowing that you were loved in return._

_But all her dreams, all her whimsical fantasies and starry eyed daydreams didn't even begin to live up to this one moment. Because never had she imagined that when she finally did find herself standing here she would be rejected. Because she stood there waiting._

_And he said nothing. Nothing at all._

_She continued to wait long after he had left her standing there alone. She continued to wait, in shock, paralyzed by grief, dying of a broken heart. She continued to wait in the silence he had left. _

_And later, later she would be here again, waiting breathlessly for an answer that would never come. Later she would watch him chose someone else._

_But for now, his answer to her unspoken question: Do you love me too?_

_Silence.  
_

* * *

"You" the hanyou pinned to the tree said suddenly, as if he were shocked to see the woman that stood before him. "You came back" he said.

"Of course I did Inu Yasha" Kagome replied to the hanyou's statement. Of course she had come back. This was where she belonged, in this magnificent magic filled past with a stubborn half demon. "I promised to stay with you forever, don't you remember?"

At her question Inu Yasha's eyes narrowed, in anger. And he gave a quick glance to the arrow that held him prisoner against the tree.

"I remember" he finally said, "do you?"

Kagome opened her mouth, prepared to answer quickly in the affirmative. But she caught herself. Had she done that to him? She wondered frantically as she looked at the arrow burrowed deep in his chest. Is that why he questioned her?

She could see herself so clearly so many years before in a green school girl's uniform pledging her loyalty to him. But this, Inu Yasha pinned to a tree, this she could not see, could not recall.

"I loved you" Inu Yasha choked out, breaking the silence, hurt dripping from his reluctant confession.

What had she done to him?

* * *

"_You betrayed me Inu Yasha!" The young miko screamed in agony._

_The hanyou could do nothing but stand there in the presence of so much grief and anger. Where had she gone? The kind, gentle and beautiful girl he had fallen in love with. Her eyes were cold, hardened in fury, shadowed by an unfathomable hurt._

_Where had she gone?_

"_I loved you" she whispered quietly, perhaps hoping that he wouldn't hear her. But he did. "I loved you...so much" she finished on a broken sob._

_And now she was crying, the tears falling silently down her cheeks as she continued to stand there, poised dangerously with an arrow in hand._

_An arrow aimed at him._

_What had he done? He couldn't recall, he couldn't remember. And he so desperately wanted to know, needed to know what it was he had done to hurt her so badly, had to know what he could have possibly done to make her believe that she had only one choice left._

_To kill him._

_He took a small step, wanting to talk to her. If he could just talk to her he could fix this. He could, he would._

_But her eyes flashed in warning, her fingers tightened menacingly on her bow. One more step and she would kill him. He got the message. Once he would never have believed that this innocent girl could ever be capable of killing. _

_His mistake._

_He had been willing to give up so much for her, so much. Once he had been an outcast, scorned and hated and accepted nowhere. Once he had been nothing. Until her. In her eyes he was perfect._

_Perfect. So he had dared to believe that there was happiness for him in this life, dared to believe in her, dared to believe in them._

_Yet here she was screaming of betrayal, there she stood, ready to kill him. Anticipating it, yearning for it._

_Where had things gone wrong? If she would just talk to him instead of hurling accusations then maybe he could figure this mess out, maybe he could prevent something rash and horrible from happening._

_If he could just get her to talk to him. But he would never get the chance. Because even as he was taking a step to get nearer to her, even as he was opening his mouth preparing to ask the question that so badly needed to be asked she was shooting the arrow._

_Before he could register what was happening he felt the impact of the holy weapon burning through his chest and slicing through his heart. The force of the impact pushed him back until he hit the rough bark of the tree behind him. The tip of the arrow striking the thick tree trunk was audible, and it was painful._

_His hands moved of their own accord to the feathered end of the arrow that protruded from his chest. He looked up, his eyes blurred and re-focused on the lone figure that stood before him._

_Her hands rested quietly at her side, one firmly clasping the bow, her eyes looked at him so calmly, and her hair fluttered gently in the wind. The girl before him was disturbing in her tranquility considering she had just shot an arrow through the heart of the one she was supposed to love._

_She started to dim, blackness was creeping in, shadowing his vision, clouding his mind. His head started to droop, his eyes began to flutter, and she walked away with a graceful swing of her hips._

_She really was beautiful, the miko he had fallen in love with._

_Deadly._

_But beautiful, always beautiful.  
_

* * *

Oh God it hurt. Hurt so bad. The memories rushing back, filling her mind, and crushing her heart. Pain, heartache, betrayal. How could she have forgotten? How?

She fell to he knees as the weight of her memories proved to be too much for her to bear. He was the reason for all this, he was the cause of her suffering. Her eyes flicked quickly over the figure imprisoned against the tree. For the briefest moment she was glad he was there, glad he was here, useless and vulnerable with an arrow in his chest.

And she was horrified, because she had never believed she was capable of taking pleasure in another's pain. She wasn't a selfish person, she wasn't cruel, had never been. But in that one moment she wanted nothing more than to grasp the end of that arrow and twist it mercilessly until he begged for mercy, she wanted nothing more than to watch those golden eyes dim in pain.

But she didn't move. She sat quietly in front of him, afraid to speak, afraid to move because she _didn't_ want to hurt him.

She did remember everything, she remembered her confession, she remembered his subtle cruelty, and she remembered him choosing someone else, she remembered him _not _choosing her. But still she sat quietly, refusing to act on her pain, refusing to exact revenge for his betrayal. She didn't want to hurt him

Because she _had_ loved him once. And maybe, she thought as she continued to stare at his familiar face, well maybe she still did.

And maybe she could save him, rescue him from the torment; free him from the lonely prison he had been consigned to live in. Maybe she could rescue him.

And maybe he could rescue her.

She wasn't conscious of her hands moving, she didn't realize they _had_ moved until she felt the feathers of the arrow tickling her palm.

Captive to the mindless actions of her own subconscious, her fingers closed firmly around the arrow, gaining the leverage to pull the object out of the hanyou's chest.

But somewhere inside of her, her heart rebelled against the single minded determination

of her subconscious. Soon there was a whisper in her head. Fragments she struggled to grasp, echoes of a conversation from another lifetime.

_If I could go back in time..._

Kagome closed her eyes in a desperate attempt to prevent the memory from resurfacing. It was instinctual, her fear of the past she had forgotten. There was something there...something. But no matter how hard she tried to will the memories away, they came still, forced their way through her foggy mind until they crystallized, focused, and became real.

Too real.

_I wouldn't pull that arrow out of his chest..._

Her hands stopped, her fingers released the arrow but still hovered over the weapon, hesitating, not knowing what to do.

_If I could go back in time..._

Was it possible? Possible to change her fate? Was it possible to step back to the one moment in time when her life began to unravel and change it all? Change the players, change the situation, change her.

_I would fall in love with someone else..._

Who? Her mind wondered and a distant voice demanded. Dazed, confused, hurting and everything in between, she looked up to meet the eyes of the demon before her. Golden eyes that were looking at her, looking at her yet seeing someone else. The anger was gone, replaced by a poignant look of disbelief and hurt.

"Why?" he whispered so quietly, so softly, as if he were afraid to hear the answer.

_Why?_

In her mind the rugged face of the hanyou was replaced by aristocratic perfection of another. Her mind replaced burning golden eyes with cold ones sparkling with unshed tears and something else, something she couldn't define.

In her mind Inu Yasha was forgotten, because in her mind she saw clearly for the first time the image of a man who loved her stoically, loyally, and forever. In her mind she saw the man who had held her when she was alone, felt the coolness of his cheek and the icy moisture that marred his skin.

The words were coming back furiously now, getting louder and louder as she remembered each detail of a forgotten dream and a suppressed nightmare. And then they were there, clear and right.

_Next time._

Yes next time. Next time was _now_. Now she had promise to keep. Now she had to leave a hanyou pinned helplessly to a tree because once upon a time, in the pouring rain she had promised to love someone next time.

Inu Yasha's time was over. And the girl whose every breath had once been for him walked away. Walked away because she had to. Walked away because she _wanted_ to.

In her rush to get away from the half demon she missed the question he posed to her retreating figure, missed the despondency with which he asked the one question he had never gotten an answer to.

"Why?" he cried out in anguish as she continued to walk away from him. She continued on, heedless of the desperateness of his tone. Perhaps fate was kind after all, because she missed his next words as well, they were spoken into the silence of her departure, whispered frailly into the emptiness, swallowed up by the darkness, left only for the night to remember.

"I loved you...Kikyou"

And the night never tells.

* * *

_You in the moonlight, could you ever love a man like me?  
_

* * *

"_Why?"_

_It was such a small question, spoken so quietly and somewhat desperately. It was the question of a woman who didn't have much time left._

_And she didn't._

_It was a reality that Sesshoumaru had finally come to accept. His golden eyes swept across the darkened room, anyone else might not have seen anything in the shadow shrouded room, but Sesshoumaru could see. He could see the figure that lay so still on the bed; he could see the exhaustion, the weakness. He could practically feel the life leaving her body._

_Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, suddenly finding himself tired as well. Denial had been so much better than this. Ignorance had been bliss, as long as she was alive._

_She had been asking the same question for years now and every time she asked he said nothing, not willing, or perhaps not ready to give her an answer. He still wasn't willing to answer her question, still wasn't ready to reveal his motives._

_But it was time, simply because she was out of time._

"_Why did you save me Sesshoumaru-sama?" He nearly smiled, after all this time she still referred to him as Sesshoumaru-sama, the same as she had done since the moment he had brought her back from death._

_Rin_

_She was a dead child then, she was a dying woman now. She needed to know his reasons for saving her that day. And he was beginning to realize that maybe, just maybe he needed to tell someone, tell her._

"_Because you reminded me of someone"_

_The truth. It hurt._

"_Who?" Another question from the only other human he had ever cared for. Rin was curious, innocent, and completely oblivious to all the reasons why it was wrong for a demon lord to care for a human._

_She was so much like her, so much like Kagome. So he had brought her back to life that day so long ago, saved her because once he had watched a human girl die, and it had broken his heart._

"_Someone..." He could not bring himself to say her name out loud._

"_Someone you can't forget" Rin finished for him. _

_Yes. Someone he couldn't forget._

"_I'm glad" she whispered as he continued to stay silent._

_He turned to her and gave her a look which clearly questioned the reasoning behind her sudden bout of happiness._

_Sensing the question he did not ask, Rin merely smiled into the darkness._

"_I'm glad that you will have someone to keep you company after I die...even if it's only a memory"_

_A memory. That's all he had, memories. It was all a powerful demon like him could afford to have. His heart would forever be haunted by the memories of two human women who had looked at him and seen so much more than what he was._

_The only two to see who he was._

"_It's so dark in here Sesshoumaru-sama" he heard her say so faintly. She was fading now, it wouldn't be too much longer, soon she would be dead and this time he wouldn't be able to bring her back. _

_So he opened the curtains covering the window and let the bright white light of the moon spill in to the room._

"_Isn't it beautiful?" she whispered more to herself than to him. The question brought back a memory of another girl, in another time, looking so longingly at the moon and wistfully posing the same question. _

_He knew the moment her heart stopped beating. The room grew cold, almost as if her death had sucked all the warmth out. Perhaps it had, for so long she had been his sunshine, his laughter._

_He stood there, in the brilliant light of the moon they had both loved so much._

"_Beautiful" he said in response to two frivolous questions he had left unanswered._

_He had seen them both die. Their deaths were tragic, and sad._

_Gazing down at the figure of his former ward and seeing the smile she wore so beautifully in death, Sesshoumaru realized something he had been missing all this time._

_Yes he had seen them both die, but more importantly he had seen them live._

_And for now that would have to be enough.  
_

* * *

Kagome stepped out of the past much the same way she had stepped into it, in haze of confusion and perhaps just a hint of magic.

And it was raining, pouring. She smiled. Of course it was.

When those first cold drops hit her she knew. Knew he was standing there, waiting for her.

And suddenly Kagome didn't want to turn around, suddenly she didn't want to face the man who was standing behind her, waiting. Where was she going to find the courage to face a demon who had spent 500 years remembering her death while she had so selfishly forgotten?

She started to shiver. Because she was cold, because she was afraid. Here they were again, caught in the silver veil of rain once more. Would she have the strength to do what she couldn't before? Was she strong enough to stand against the painful burden of the past and reach for a happiness she didn't deserve?

Was she strong enough for him?

And suddenly she saw Inu Yasha. Saw him embracing another, saw him choosing another, saw him _loving_ another.

And she saw the fiery golden eyes of an unlikely angel.

And that was it. The end. She couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't agonize over a past she had lived long ago. She couldn't punish herself for it, she wouldn't.

The future. It was waiting, had always been. Instinctively she had known that, despite the pain, despite the grief, somehow hope had managed to live on inside of her, because she had made a promise.

A promise of next time. A promise of the future. And here she was, in the future with a second chance, a new life and she too afraid to face it, too afraid to let go of a familiar past to grasp the unknown.

She had been afraid before and she had succumbed to that fear.

Weak. She had been weak and stupid.

But not this time.

She turned around, closed the door forever on her past.

And then nothing mattered.

Because he was there.

Always.

* * *

_Raindrops fall like silent tears, mourning all the wasted years  
  
_

* * *

Expectations. They were horrible things, terrible. He hadn't expected to find her again, hadn't expected to see her, hadn't expected to _feel_ her.

But there she was, a heartbeat away in the falling rain.

They had been here before. He had been here before, holding her, loving her, and watching her die.

But this time was different. He could see it in her eyes, the hope.

There would be no blood this time and this time he would forever remember the way she looked in the rain.

Because she looked beautiful. She looked alive.

She had kept her promise, she was here, she had chosen. And that made everything worthwhile, the long lonely years, the heartache, the longing. In the end she had come back.

He wanted nothing more than to break the silence of this dramatic scene. But he couldn't move, and he found that he didn't really want to. He feared that any movement on his part, any words however softly spoken would mar the dream, expose it for what it really was, a fantasy, a hopefully desperate hallucination, and nothing more.

So he simply stood there, watching her standing there, and said nothing. Their meeting here like this was anticlimactic really, a quiet end to long and anguished journey.

It was perfect.

No more painful memories, no more regrets, no more remembering. There was so much to tell her. The things he had seen, the things he had done, the man he had become. So many things to tell her.

A lifetime worth of things.

* * *

_I search only for something I can't see  
_

* * *

Striking. Beautiful. Hauntingly perfect. Some things never change. And he certainly hadn't.

Dressed in modern day clothes and glaringly lacking the presence of his powerful swords, she saw less of the demon lord he had once been and more of a man, just a man.

But he was so much more than that and even he couldn't mask the power that still radiated from him.

Powerful. He would always be.

He didn't say anything, didn't move when she turned and found him standing there so quietly.

He stood so casually with his hands in his pockets as if he had known she would come back, as if he had always known.

Maybe he had.

She walked up to him, heedless of the rain that soaked her clothes, heedless of the mud and water at her feet. She needed to see him, had to be near him. After all this time she had to know that he was there, had to know that he wasn't just an image conjured up by her desperate and lonely heart.

She stopped when she reached him, a breath away, a whisper. Yet still he did not move. His golden eyes watched her, they burned.

No. They raged.

She reached out, her fingers trailed lightly over the wet cloth of his shirt.

He trembled.

Her hand stopped over his heart, hesitated, but this time he didn't stop her and she discovered that this extraordinary man, this strong, impenetrable man was scared.

Scared. His heart was beating at the same frenzied, panicked driven pace as hers.

They could be scared together.

The future was there waiting for them. And she wanted nothing more than to grab his hand and run off into the sunset, happily ever after.

But this wasn't a fairytale, this wasn't a dream.

It was so much more. It was real. It was hers.

It was theirs.

She knew what she wanted, had always known. No more doubts.

She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And she wanted the rest of her life to start now.

"Always so quiet Sesshoumaru, you have nothing to say, even now?" she whispered as they continued to stand in the pouring rain, silent and unmoving. The future was waiting.

Once she had breathlessly waited for a man to tell her he loved her and had found only heartbreaking silence.

This time she didn't have to wait.

Because this time he smiled.

She smiled back.

And that was enough.

* * *

_No matter where you go I will find you, if it takes a long, long time  
_

* * *


End file.
